


Memoirs of A Greaser Older Brother

by SaltyCrabsMatter



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Attempted Murder, Big Brothers, Blood, Blood and Gore, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Cigarettes mentioned at one point, Fluff and Angst, Gamzee not important until later, Growing Up, Humanstuck, Murder, My First Fanfic, No Happy Ending Fest, Not Happy, Other characters not mentioned - Freeform, Protective Older Brothers, Protective Siblings, References to Depression, Sibling Bonding, Siblings, Violence, i laughed making this i think i have a problem, noncanon characterization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23022787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyCrabsMatter/pseuds/SaltyCrabsMatter
Summary: "I'm afraid we can't do much to help if you're just going to sit there and be silent, Cronus. How about this, write about your life with Eridan. It could help you move on."
Kudos: 13





	Memoirs of A Greaser Older Brother

Sooooooo, uh. I gotta vwrite this dowvn cause my therapist said it'd be good for me. But I guess I gotta introduce myself first, eh? My name is Cronus Ampora. And I gotta vwrite about the one person in the vworld I'd take a bullet for. My younger brother, Eridan. Lemme start from the beginning...

Age: 6

I'm at the hospital now. That's what dad says it is. Mommy needed to go here, her tummy is hurting, dad says it's because of my little brother. I don't know why my little brother is hurting mommy's tummy, that's not very nice. We've been here for a long time, I'm getting sleepy. Dad hasn't been able to sit still, he keeps moving around. I don't know why, mommy just has a tummy ache. I'm just gonna sleep.

Dad woke me up, it's really late. I wanna go back to sleep, but he won't let me. He took me off the chair and is trying to take me somewhere, but he won't tell me. I just wanna sleep!

"Daaaaaaaaad, I vwanna sleep!"

"Sorry kiddo, but not right now."

I dug my heels into the ground. "Vwhy not?!"

"It's a surprise."

"I vwanna knowv nowv!"

He laughed. "C'mon kiddo, the more you argue, the longer it'll take for you to see the surprise."

Oh. I didn't think about that. I started to walk with him, it looks like we're gonna see mommy. I remember what number they gave her room, dad says I'm like a big boy for remembering that!

When we got to mommy, she was sleeping. She must be really tired then. Some lady in some weird blue outfit came over, she kinda looked like an alien. She handed some blanket thing to dad. I think it's some burrito thing.

"Congratulations, it's a boy!"

Can burritos be boys?

Dad crouched down to me, I'm one of the tallest kids in my class, I don't know why he's crouching down to me. He handed the burrito to me. Does he want me to eat it?

I looked down and saw it's chubby face. Burritos don't have faces. I looked back up at dad and he was smiling.

"Cronus, meet your little brother. His name is Eridan."

I looked back down at the burrito that's apparently my brother. It does kind of look like us.

"Dad, he looks like a marshmallowv."

"Well you did too at his age."

"I vwas a marshmallowv too?"

"Yep, he'll look more like us as he gets older."

"Really?"

"Really. And you're his big brother now, so you gotta take care of him."

"Isn't that yours and mommy's job?"

"It is, but you need to help us out now. He needs you like he needs us."

That's a little confusing. Mom's and dad's are supposed to take care of us, not big brother's. I looked back down at Eridan again. He looked up at me, his eyes looked like mine, like those purple jewels dad wears all the time. I think they began with an 'A'.

Eridan's making weird little noises at me. He kinda sounds like a fish.

"Dad, vwhy isn't he talking?"

"Well he needs to learn."

"Howv long vwill that take?"

"As long as it needs to."

I wonder how long it took for me to learn. Eridan looks smart, so I guess he'll learn fast. Maybe he'll be a super baby! He's kinda heavy though.

Another one of those blue aliens tapped dad's shoulder. Dad stood up, the aliens apparently wanted to take him somewhere. He left me with mommy and Eridan, the aliens seemed nice, so I guess dad's gonna be ok. Mommy hasn't moved though. I hope she'll be ok.

Age: 10

"Croooooooooo, wwake up."

"Ehhh? Vwhat is it Eri? It's like one in the mornin'."

"I had a nightmare."

I sighed. "Alright, c'mere."

I sat up and patted the empty side of my bed. Eri's had a lot of nightmares recently, so I've been the one to comfort him most times.

He crawled up on my bed, the quiff of blond hair in the middle of his messy strands, most of which was the same coal black as mine, bounced as he did. He always knew how to do stuff on his own that most kids his age needed help with, he's only four years old, but he's learning a lot faster than expected. Always knew he'd be a little genius. He's really into all the magic I've been teachin' 'im too.

"Alright, little bro, vwhat's it about?"

"Mommy."

I saw that coming. Mom didn't make it too long after Eri was born. I don't know why we told him why she died at such a young age, but it's too late now. He's been having a lot of nightmares about her, ranging from her yelling at him saying it was his fault, to her screaming in anguish and trying to attack him. Dad doesn't like us talking about mom, so I've always been the one to comfort him. 

"Hey, shhh, it's ok. Don't be afraid, mom isn't comin' after ya."

"Wwhat if she is? She's alwways so mad and scary wwhen I dream about her!"

"Hey, Eri, look at me, mom vwould'vwe lowved ya. She lowved ya so much, she gavwe birth to ya. There's no vway that vwhat happened could'vwe been your fault. No one knewv it vwas gonna happen, I'm sure mom's lookin' dowvn at you from heavwen and smilin'."

He sniffled. I only now just realized he was crying.

"Really?"

"Definitely. I svwear on it."

He smiled at me and hugged me, I hugged him back. I loved this little tyke so much.

"Hey Cro?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you teach me more magic tomorroww?"

"Yeah, after school, buddy. No vway vwe could fit in a vwhole lesson before."

"Wwhat if wwe start noww?"

I chuckled. "No vway, you're gettin' some more shuteye, and you're stayin' vwith me."

"Pleeeaaaaaase?"

"Hmmm. Maybe on the vweekends, sound good?"

"But that's so long from noww!"

"Then let's go to bed to make the time go by faster."

"Okayyyyy."

"Attaboy, g'night."

"Night Cro."

Eri curled up next to me and I put my blanket over him. I held him close to my chest, I was gonna make sure he felt safe. He's the one person in the entire universe I would protect with my life.

Age: 13

"Cro! They're too thick!"

"Vwell tough luck, kiddo, dad payed good money to make sure you got those."

"Why couldn't I have gotten a pair like yours?"

" 'Cause dad didn't vwant us to confuse vwho's vwere vwho's."

"I look wweird!"

"Hey, at least nowv vwe can both look like nerd-vwizard buddies."

Eri just got new glasses and is freaking out over how thick they are. In reality, I chose them for 'im, he looked better in 'em then he would if he got thin framed ones like mine.

"Howw can wwe even do magic stuff if they alwways feel like they're gonna fall off?"

"Ya just get used to 'em I guess. Hey, look on the bright side, nowv you look like Harry Potter."

"Cro, you're the only one who likes that crap."

Gasp. "I'm so vwounded! Howv dare you insult the greatest story franchise of our time, such blasphemy!"

"Cro, you're being dramatic."

"This is a perfectly reasonable reaction to your heinous comments!"

"Cro, I don't evven knoww wwhat blasphemy and heinous mean, and you only say wwords I don't understand wwhen you're bein' dramatic."

He had a point there. Even though he was a smart kid, he didn't know about half the words I said. I'd explain 'em to 'im, but I don't really have the best way with words. That's Kan's and Ara's job.

"Boys! You're gonna be late to school if you don't hurry up!"

"Comin' dad! C'mon Eri, vwe can talk about the glasses later."

He gave a huff and followed me out the door. Dad already had the car started up and we just had to get in. I don't like school, it's really boring, but dad insists I have to go. Eri just likes to learn. I guess I only really go to see my friends. So far Eri only hangs with Fef, Meen's younger sis. He's always been a quiet kid.

"Still vwanna help me cast spells after school even vwith those glasses?"

".... Yeah."

"There's the Eri I knowv and lovwe!"

Age: 16

It's been about two years since I quit the magic crap and took up a more 1950's look and act. Even switched out my wire framed glasses for contacts. Eri took it hard, he's only now gettin' over it. Good. That was the plan, after all, get 'im to grow outta it. Chicks don't dig the magic scene. But, it's mostly to protect 'im. Lotta kids bullied me 'cause of that mumbo jumbo crap. I ain't lettin' Eri go through that too. It's already hard enough without dad. He keeps askin' about what happened, but I can't. I just can't.

Dad was found headless in an alleyway, no one knows for sure who done it, but dad made quite a few enemies, so anythin' is possible. Personally, I think the Makara's old man did it. He was always so creepy and never lost that murderous look in 'is eyes. Dad and 'im never got along. Hell, the guy looked at my dad like he was the scum of the earth for only sayin' a bad pun.

But I couldn't say anythin', I needed to keep myself outta trouble so I could protect Eri. I was all he had left, even if our dad's ex girl found enough kindness in her stone cold heart to take us in, her and her spider brood always looked like they were up to somethin'. I didn't like 'em much.

I shouldn't be thinkin' about this, I gotta pick up Eri from school and all this monologue crap is slowin' me down.

I started speed walkin' to the elementary school, Eri was ten now and would be goin' into middle school soon. It was a good twenty minutes from the Serket house, so I needed to be quick. Vris always hitched a ride with the Pyrope's after school.

As soon as I got there, I immediately heard Eri yellin'.

"Wwhat is wwith you, Sol?! I didn't do anythin'!"

"Liike hell you diidn't! You 2tole my 2hiit!"

I could practically taste the lisp of the youngest Captor. Apparently the cursing was rooted into their brains at young ages.

"Wwhat? No I didn't!"

"Ye2 you diid! Other kid2 saw you 2teal my penciil ca2e! Giive iit back!"

"Sol, I don't havve it! Leavve me alone!"

"II'm goiing to kiick your a22!"

Ok, now I'm steppin' in. I rushed over to the two of 'em.

"Hey! Vwhat do you think you're doin'?!"

They both looked at me, Eri in content, and Sol in anger.

"Your brother 2tole my fucking penciil ca2e!"

"I did not!"

"Ye2 you diid!"

" 'Ey! Break it up you tvwo before I make you! My brother isn't a petty thief, Captor!"

"Liike hell he ii2n't! Kiid2 2aw hiim 2teal iit!"

"Oh, and are these the same kids who tormented 'im in the hallvways and threwv shit at 'im in class? The ones that I scared so badly that they'd do anythin' to bully him vwithout bein' held responsible? "

"..."

"That's vwhat I thought. Nowv if I ever find out or see you do this to 'im again," I was already a good few inches taller than the older of the Captor kids, so I towered over 'im. So to freak 'im out, I leaned in so close to 'im I was practically breathin' down 'is neck and lowered my voice.

"I'll break your legs and throwv ya into a ditch vwhere no one'll find ya. Got it?"

He stood still and nodded silently before walking away. I grabbed Eri's hand and pulled him a good distance from the school before letting him go.

"... So vwhat'd he havwe in the case?"

"A feww pencils, erasers, and a couple of bee themed stuff. Nothin' interestin', but I'm keepin' it just to piss 'im off."

"Ha! That's my little bro!"

I gave 'im a high five and we continued to walk to our new home in silence, aside from a few comments on random stuff happenin' at our schools.

Age: 18

Finally, I'm done with school. Unless you count college, but I got time before that. I can easily pay the student fees with dad's money I inherited, but I want to have some free time before chainin' myself to the school district again and havin' to apply. That and Eri is almost done with middle school, and I don't wanna have 'im possibly switch schools halfway through. I can apply next year.

I'm still livin' with the spider queen and 'er little spawns, but now I got more time to myself. After all, I wasn't plannin' on stayin' or goin' back there anytime soon if I do actually move to another state. Ara's cute 'n all, but damn she's annoyin' sometimes. Not as bad as Kan, but still pretty bad. Even if I did come back, it'd prolly be for Eri. Maybe Meen if she changes 'er mind about rejectin' my offer to go out.

Though I'm considerin' stayin' here 'till Eri is 18, since he has a friend group now and I don't wanna ruin that. I can give 'im a place to stay if needed. Dad's house was left to us in 'is will so we're covered. My only issue is that stayin' here means stayin' with the Captor's and Makara's. The Captor family is annoying as shit and the Makara's are always up to some creepy cult shit, not to mention number one suspect in dad's murder in my mind.

I tasted the firm taste if tobacco leak through my mouth and spit out the cigarette I had. I don't light the fuckers, but I sure as hell bite into 'em hard enough for 'em to spill out. Bitin' 'em was a habit I got at seventeen, stress chewin', I guess.

I work at a gas station, so it wasn't too uncommon for me to pick up a pack or two after work if I'm runnin' low. I may have dad's major money, but it ain't gonna last me forever.

Eri highly disapproves of the habit, but at least I ain't lightin' the damn things. He also disapproves of my constant attention grabbin' sob stories. But 'ey, chicks'll dig bad boys with sad backgrounds, what can I say? I guess I'm so obsessed with gals 'cause of some urge to give Eri a motherly figure, since the Serkets are more like cousins or some shit. I'm already like his dad, so it makes sense to want to give 'im a mom. That and my crippling lack of any sort of attention from mostly anyone and needing to fill it, but that's not the point. Or maybe it is. Whatever.

Eri's been gettin' a lot better at socializing over time, so he might just get a girl before me. Although it seems as though the Ampora line is cursed with an awful romance life since the girl he's been diggin' on hasn't even acknowledged 'im as a potential boyfriend. Still into Fef, even after all these years. She's kinda annoyin' though, and a little bitchy. Not that Meen's is all that different, but at least she knows she's a bitch.

God, just imaginin' Eri gettin' a girl makes me happy. He needs someone besides me in 'is life, so if he did get someone, I'd welcome it with open arms. Hell, I'd be proud if he got a boyfriend instead. Just as long as he's happy.

Even if he didn't get a lover, I'd always be there for 'im. I may not be much but I'm still 'is family. And I can't wait to watch 'im grow up.

Age: 19

I'm sittin' in my boss's office. I was called in for some reason, but I don't know what. He hasn't said shit.

"Yo, boss, vwhat's the big deal? Vwhy am I here?"

"Cronus, I'm aware that you have a younger brother, correct?"

Oh shit. "Vwhat happened to 'im?"

"I'm afraid I wasn't allowed to be informed, only that you are to head to the middle school. It was urgent, apparently, so I'm giving you the day off."

I didn't even have much time to thank 'im before I burst out of 'is office and rushed to my car, pulling on my leather jacket. I almost got a speeding ticket from driving so fast. I couldn't care less even if I did get one. I just needed to check on Eri.

I pulled into the school parking lot and saw dozens of police officers outside the school, escortin' people out. I can feel my blood pushin' through my veins.

Please let 'im be ok, please let 'im be ok, please let 'im be ok.

A group of three police officers stopped me from runnin' into the crowd and asked for my ID.

"Sir, unless you have your ID, I'm afraid we can't let you into the crime scene-"

"Crime scene?! Vwhat do you mean 'crime scene'?!"

" I'm afraid we can only give details to family members of those involved."

"My boss called me in saying somethin' happened to my little brother and I was called ovwer, so cut the shit and inform me already!"

"You wouldn't happen to be Cronus Ampora, would you?"

I pulled out my license. "As a matter of fact, I am."

One of the officers placed a hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry for your loss."

There it was. There was the trigger. Somethin' happened to Eri. But he said "loss". There's no way. There's no fuckin' way.

"Loss? Vwhat do ya mean by that? Vwhere's Eri?!"

"Sir, I'm afraid you need to calm down-"

"No! Vwhere is my brother?!"

Another officer sighed. "We found the young Eridan Ampora with his torso cut off from the waist up, one student knocked him unconscious with a baseball bat and that same student later used a saw to cut him in half. We have another student who witnessed all this occur when hiding in a closet that the student was sent to to retrieve some supplies. I'm so sorry."

I can't believe it. I won't. I just couldn't. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't be. There's no way.

The world had become a blur. I can't move. Can't even breathe. I darted my eyes around 'til I saw them.

There they were. The younger bein' pushed into a police car while the older was bein' questioned.

Kurloz and Gamzee fuckin' Makara.

I only saw red once I found 'em. Burnin', flamin', bloody red. Not only did their father take mine, but now that damned younger brother took mine. They took everythin' from me.

I couldn't stop myself. I passed through the officers and run with a speed I didn't even know I had. I made my way to Kurloz. As soon as I was close enough, I curled my hand into a fist and punched 'im. I could see the blood pour out of 'is nose as the officers grabbed a hold of me and pulled me away from 'im.

I don't even know what I yelled at 'im, only that it made a scene and that it killed my throat. But I don't care. Everythin' I loved was dead. Everyone. Dead and gone. I can't even see with the tears blurrin' my vision. Eventually my legs gave out, and if it weren't for the officers that grabbed me earlier, I would've fallen straight onto the ground.

Kurloz didn't look mad. He looked a mix of amused and bored. How he did both, I'm not sure, all I'm sure of is that I felt numb at the sight of it. I should be angry, I should be. But I'm just numb. So numb.

2 months later

Gamzee's trial wasn't long after the incident. Porrim's sister, Kanaya, testified against 'im. She was the witness in the closet. He apparently also tried killin' 'er, but she punched 'im so hard he was knocked out. Good on Porrim for makin' 'er take self defense classes.

The full story was that Gamzee wrote Eri a note sayin' that they should meet up, he didn't sign it, of course. Eri didn't know who wrote it but went anyways. Eri went to the gym that was abandoned after the new one was built, Gamzee then used a bat stolen from the sports club to knock 'im unconscious from behind and then used a saw he stole from 'is dad's tool shed to saw 'im in half.

The sick part was that right next to Eri he wrote 'The little motherfucking magician has had his final motherfucking act'.

All he had as a motive was that he 'felt like it'.

He fucking felt like it.

Gamzee was too young for an adult sentence and was instead sent to a psychiatric hospital. Hopefully he never gets out.

Kurloz moved out of town and their dad disappeared.

As for me? Well, as written up top, my therapist said it'd be good for me. But honestly, it doesn't really feel like it's helpin'. It's just forcin' me to relive everythin'. All the happiness and hardship, all the pain, fear, heartbreak, sadness, and the fury.

But even after havin' to go through that again, I'm now still left with nothin'. No dad. No mother. No brother. No family. Just me. And all the people who were friends with me. I can't look at 'em the same anymore. They do check up on me every once in a while, but I just can't handle that they were friends with the brother of Eri's murderer. I can't even stand myself at the very thought of bein' his friend either.

But even after all that, I still can only feel one thin'.

Numb.


End file.
